By Brittney Saline (writer) and Lilly Fuentes (videographer)

In middle school, the mean girls made me quit the soccer team. 

It’s not that I was bad — in fact, their ostracization drove me to new levels of aggression, which in turn made me one of the best sweepers of the season. I’d overhear my teammates whispering to each other about how chubby I was, and I’d charge the opposition. Our team won a tournament once thanks to my somewhat brutal saves. I earned my first red card that game. 

But I couldn’t take it forever. I remember sitting on my bedroom floor, refusing to cry on the phone as I told the coach — the father of one of the mean girls — that my priorities had shifted and I just didn’t want to play anymore. I didn’t tell him my teammates made me want to crawl into a hole and die. 

I don't think I have ever been as close to a group of women as women who I have CrossFitted with. The shared suffering turns into shared successes in time, and it's the most rewarding thing I am part of in my adult life. … I just love being surrounded by strong women.” —Sarah Packingham, 36, CrossFit Eden Prairie

Of course, that was just middle school. But the “mean girls” trope often lives on. Whether represented as garrulous gossips or corporate cliques, women just aren’t expected to truly support each other in some contexts. We so often have to fight to be heard and respected in our jobs, at the doctor’s office, and even walking down the street that it can feel like there’s just not enough room for us all. Best to take what we can and keep the claws out. 

But it’s different in the CrossFit gym. 

Which is actually kind of ironic, considering the CrossFit gym is where we write our workout scores up on a whiteboard for all to see. Where we lift with and in front of each other. Maybe that’s why it’s different. There’s no posturing when we’re all laid out on the floor post-Fran. 

I have moved from Fort Myers, Florida, to Mississippi to Rapid City and have been a member of at least four CrossFit gyms along the way. Every gym I have been to I have made friends with the females, and they have always lifted me up and cheered me on no matter what! … I have always been competitive but in a very friendly and supportive way, and I am always cheering on the other girls whether they are behind me or way in front of me in a workout. It’s the thing I love so much about the CrossFit community in general.” —Kat Taylor, 27, Rushmore CrossFit

Here’s what I know. 

I know that in the globo gym, I used to feel self-conscious about my pit stains as I ran on the treadmill next to women with inexplicably unmarred mascara. At CrossFit, saturating the floor with a sweat angel post-WOD is a point of pride.

I know that I was surrounded by women shrieking for me when I pulled a 300-lb deadlift a few years ago. It was a woman who coached me and prescribed my jumps from the empty barbell to triple digits, and a woman who helped load my bar while I gathered my breath. 

I have always been a heavyset person compared to my friends. When I joined CrossFit, I thought I would again be ‘that girl.’ The truth ended up being no one is ‘that girl.’ … My peers encouraged me, especially the women, which was such a 180 from what I expected.” —Bethny Hoff, 31, CrossFit St. Paul

I know that a few weeks ago, my lifting partner, Beth, was just as proud of my 83-lb muscle snatch as I was — despite the fact that she’d put up at least 30 lb more than that when it was her turn at the bar.

I know that my other lifting partner, Jess, doesn’t secretly relish the fact that I struggle with my weight while she’s gotten fitter. And I know that I’m not jealous of her fitness when I watch her lap me in the metcon. I respect the work she’s done, and I’m happy for her — and it makes me hungry for what I might accomplish myself.

“I have been inspired, encouraged, challenged, and comforted by (the) women who train beside me. Competitiveness has consistently taken a backseat to the desire to see each other succeed, and with that camaraderie, we have enjoyed a special fellowship of women who love to sweat together, but understand that there are many things about us that are more important than our score on the whiteboard.” —Sara Krych, 39, CrossFit Minneapolis

Of course, that doesn't mean CrossFit women never fight. Or never experience envy. Or that you'll be friends with everyone. But if I were looking for a place to find support and camaraderie while leaving negativity at the door, I’d put my bets on a CrossFit affiliate.

Because we’re all here to make ourselves better — and when we do it right, we make each other better, too.