For the past eight years, Gary Roberts says he’s been going through an identity crisis.

He’s contemplated suicide, gone to counseling to better his relationship with his teenage daughter and tied his happiness to his business.

“To me, what I see is the majority of people in the world have these big dreams and big thoughts, but rarely do people actually take the actions and get up and go do it,” he says.

In this episode of Killing the Fat Man—called “If you think about doing push-ups”—Roberts is in his second week at Oceanside CrossFit and has worked out 10 times total.

“I’m feelin’ different,” he says. “CrossFit is opening up that window to my new life. I didn’t think it was possible.”

CrossFit, says Oceanside coach Gabriel Kessler, comes from within.

“What it comes down to is really who you are and what you want to be, what you want to do with your life, what you want to do with yourself,” he explains.