Whelp. Here we go again. 2024. I’m still fat, like 228lbs fat. I’m no longer the tallest in my house, and I keep getting older so that’s a pretty great blessing. I’m writing this a little late. I already finished the open workouts. Probably never do them again. I mean I might, but probably not. Anyways, Im sitting in a high school gym in Helena Montana. In fact the oldest high school in the whole state of Montana. It was started in 1876. It doesn’t look that old though. I think they’ve made some nice improvements to it over the years. The roof looks pretty good. Stable, and curved a little bit. Kind of like an old hockey rink. I used to play hockey. It was pretty fun. Anyways, I’m Just sitting here. Watching volleyball and my CrossFit ranking slide further and further down the leaderboard on a Sunday afternoon. I used to play volleyball back in highschool too. Also badminton. Also football. Also track and field. Also rugby. I think that’s it. It was a long time ago. I used to teach swimming lessons too. But that wasn’t in highschool. Oh ya, I also played baseball. I wasn’t very good at baseball though. I couldn’t hit the ball very far. I could catch the ball. I could also throw the ball. Not very good with my right hand. Pretty good with my left hand though. I remember pitching once at practice when I was 12 or 13 and my dad was getting mad at me cause I was sucking pretty bad, so I got super mad and threw the ball as hard as I could. I hit Jason McWilliams right in the middle of the back. I bet it hurt pretty good. I was so mad I didn’t even feel bad about it. Man, I was such a jerk that day. I feel bad about it now. He hopefully doesn’t remember it, and I also hope he’s not dealing with debilitating back pain from fireball I chucked at him. Anyways, Jason. I’m sorry. That was not nice of me. Anyways, I did that swimming lesson stuff in the summer time at the lake. I got the itch doing that. So that was pretty uncomfortable, just itching away. My mom heard that if you put bleach on the sores it helps with the itch. It didn’t. So don’t do that. Anyways, I was probably the best volleyball player in my whole family, so top 20th percentile I guess. I didn’t play volleyball in university though. I didn’t even try out, so that was a big missed opportunity on my part. It would have been cool to win a medal in the Olympics for volleyball. I don’t think they recruit 48 year old fat asses though, so that ship has probably sailed. Anyways it was long drive to Helena yesterday for volleyball. We saw some Elk on the side of the road hanging around, they’re pretty big. Bigger than me in fact, but they don’t look fat like me plus they have antlers growing out of their heads. I don’t have that and in fact Im getting less and less stuff growing out of the top of my head every year. I don’t think I’d make a good elk. I’m hairy, but they have way more hair than me, plus my feet are pretty sensitive and I don’t have hooves. I wonder if this will be the year that I finally max out the amount of words you can have in your CrossFit profile. It doesn’t look like it so far. Some of the girls can really spike that volleyball. I don’t think I’d be able to spike it as hard as them. But they probably can’t deadlift as much as I can, so it’s a bit of a wash. Quite a few of them could probably run the 400m faster than me, in fact I’d guess about 78% of them could. I’ve got pretty good confidence that I could snatch more than all of them though. So I’d be top 1% in that category. And realistically, my snatch isn’t really very good so that’s more of a commentary on how poor their olympic lifting is and not really a compliment to the strength of mine. Anyways, versus high school girls that are here playing volleyball though, I bet it’s the best. Nobody at the tournament here probably even knows that I can snatch more than all the girls. I should see if they’ll make an announcement about it.
I just asked. They said they won’t. They looked at me like I was weirdo so that didn’t feel very good in my heart. They’re looking at me a lot now. It kinda feels like they’re going to ask me to leave the gym. I just snuck away. They got distracted by a couple babies that were giggling and playing. I’m gonna turn my hat around backwards so they won’t recognize me. It didn’t work. They still recognized me. Sounds like the sheriff is stopping by for a visit. I overheard them say something about trespassing. The sheriff was pretty cool. He said I could stay. Just don’t ask if they can make any more announcements he said. So I won’t do that again in Helena at the oldest high school in the state.
Well well well it’s 2023 and The open is back once again. Im fat as Fck this year so probably gonna have a tough time doing more than three pull ups in a row, or even doing a two foot hop over a barbell. Hopefully, neither of those are in the workouts this year. Also, I don’t live in Canada anymore. So that’s different. That also means I’m not eating ketchup chips much either, so I probably shouldn’t be as fat as I am. Im eating lots of Dot’s pretzels though and they’re pretty good. Just the original ones though, not any of their fancy schmancy flavours. Im at the stage now where none of my kids think I’m cool anymore, unlike when I first wrote the bottom part of this profile. I wonder how many words you can put in this profile before it’s too many? Hopefully I get a warning before that happens. I guess the main summary for this year is I’m chunky, like 230 lbs chunky, I should probably change the weight in my profile. Im not going to though. I want all my adoring fans to still think I’m not chubby. My beard is bigger, and I don’t live in Canada anymore, and I’m going balder and I am growing my hair pretty long though so I can swirl it around the top of my head. No one has even noticed Yet how bald I am. It’s a pretty good trick. So if you’re pretty bald do that. People won’t even notice. I’m still the tallest in my house too, so no one can see the top of my head. Pretty sure by next month though I’ll be the 2nd tallest in the house though. That’ll be nice to not have all of the responsibilities of being the man of the house anymore. Hopefully I get a good allowance and my curfew doesn’t change.
My goal is to be the better Blair. Better than last years Blair. So it’s a pretty low bar. It’s also another year, I’m almost exactly one year older from last one. Not much has happened to me in a year. I didn’t get hit in the head very much this year, so that was one of the cool things that didn’t happen. 2 out of my 3 kids still think I’m pretty cool. I feel tired more than last year, so that’s new. My hair keeps getting longer too I guess. I mean I get it cut regularly but it just keeps growing which is kind of a pain in the butt admittedly. I went to a Pearl jam concert in Montana with my kids and saw an airplane flying on a lawn there with a monkey pilot. Pretty weird thing to see, I took a picture of it. That’s about it. The rest below is pretty much all the same, my garage door is still fixed so that’s good.
I'm pretty old. I thought i'd grow up to be cool.
I didn't. I ended up becoming a numbers nerd, so not cool at all by the definition of cool professions when you're a kid. I also didn't think i'd be a widower, but that happened too. I'd much rather just be a numbers nerd but God had different plans for me. I've got 3 kids. They still think i'm pretty cool, but with my oldest being 13, that is bound to change like really quick, although i did just get her a phone, so right now she still thinks i'm pretty neat. I'm up to try pretty much any physical challenge, I'm really not sure why, maybe it's because i'm not overly bright and like putting myself in painful situations. I play guitar, and take stupid adventures on occasion, not that either of those has alot to do with being bright. My kids make me happy, unless they're fighting, whining or asking to go on the iPad, which equates to roughly 37.8% of the time. When they do that it makes my brain hurt, like a lot. I also hurt when i get up in the morning now, because i'm kinda old like I already said. When my kids fight in the morning, then my brain AND my body hurt. Thank goodness for this whole Crossfit thing, because then i can shut my brain off, get my body moving and just try to not to pass out, puke, or go potty. So that's pretty good. I have a beard too, but so does pretty much everybody now, so that's not even cool anymore, and admittedly it's not really long or anything. I mean it's plenty thick, but you know it's not like ZZ Top or cool like that. Sometimes I grow it out a bit, but i've got a big head and face so when i do that, it looks crazy huge, it also makes my head hard to hold up, you know because it's heavy. I have a million tattoo's too. Actually that may be an exaggeration. Everyone has those too now, so that's not even all that cool either anymore. I do play the organ and piano. That's probably the coolest thing i actually do, i'm an organist. My mean mom made me take lessons when I was kid, so that sucked. One thing that didn't suck was there was this one time when i was young and i won this race. Man i used to be fast. So fast. Everyone cheered and cheered and said I was the fastest. Which I was because, I won that race. I can also make other things, besides my body go fast, like this other time I took this crazy hard slap shot and the puck hit the glass in the rink. The noise was really loud. I mean no one else was there to hear it, but I heard it and it was loud. I remember looking at my hockey stick thinking “holy smokes that’s like a rifle it made such a loud sound. Good thing I didn’t hit my brother in the head with that one. He probably would have started crying. What a baby.” When I went home that night I just smiled at him. He didn’t even know why I was smiling at him. But my hockey stick and I knew why I was smiling. That brother hit me in the head with a baseball bat once. I don’t really remember why he would have done something like that. Seems like a rude thing to do in hindsight actually. Man, now that I think of it I wish he was at the rink that day when I took that slapshot. Then we would have been even steven. His name isn’t Steven, that’s just an expression. I’m good at rhyming so that just kind of flowed out of me. I actually used to have cold air flowing into my house from my garage door. I fixed it yesterday though. So now there isn’t very much air flowing in from the garage anymore. So that was a good thing to fix. I workout in my garage lots. Especially when my kids start fighting, like they are doing right now. So I better go workout. Looks like i'm tied for first in the world right now. Hopefully I stay in first in the world, this workout i'm going to do will probably be the difference maker. I was hoping to do well this year, but admittedly am surprised to be tied for first in the world. Seems weird that i'm the world's best exerciser. I mean i try really hard most days, but let me tell you, some days I really don't go as hard as I should. Anyways, that would be cool to stay at first in the world. Even if I did stay in 1st I bet my brother would still be like “I could still hit you in the head with a baseball bat though even though you are first in the world at exercising”. What a jerk.
Canada
