"My ego is gone. I could only wear that mask before, but now I am that person who is humble and genuine."
“I have had a long standing relationship with pretty much every single drug out there. You name it I did it. From the age14 to 32, there were not more than four days straight that I was sober. The only goal that I had at that time in my life was not to die in prison.”
Jason Hoskins is a CrossFit Box owner and trainer of Vigor CrossFit. Hoskins is a recovering addict of drugs and alcohol. This is a story.
Hoskin’s tale is void of the perfect picture and contains the raw and real life account of a recovering addict competing for the first time in the CrossFit Open.
“CrossFit used to be a way just to get my rage out. It was a vehicle for me to feed my anger,” Hoskins says. “It was a way to knock me out and keep me calm even if it meant three workouts a day, with a five mile run chaser. For almost two years, I wore a mask. A mask full of fake humility, while underneath everything was about me, self-centered and self-seeking.”
After more than 24 months sober, Hoskins had a relapse. “For some reason in my head I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal to have a drink because I was so different. The reality was that my life was different, I wasn’t,” Hoskins says.
One drink led to more. One drink led to a decision; take responsibility and get help, or suffer forever.
Hoskins chose to get help. He is actively in a program of fellowship that demands honesty. Then he did something that he says is how get now gets through his days, “I opened my eyes and accepted that without God I would be nowhere, He was always there before, but I was finally ready to see Him,” Hoskins says. “At this point, on this day of 2012, I can see that obviously God took notice of me and I was finally ready to listen.”
The community of Vigor CrossFit believes in their trainer. Hoskins, for the first time in his life, believes in himself. “My ego is gone. I could only wear that mask before, but now I am that person who is humble and genuine.”
ADDICTED TO THE OPEN
“Going into 12.3, I had a goal of 300 reps, but I got 295. Six months ago you would not have been able to talk to me for hours after that because in my mind I would have been a failure,” he says. “I would have redone that WOD until I got my 300 or better reps. But now before that ‘3,2,1, go,’ I simply asked for as many reps as I had in me, and I had 295, and that is OK.”
For this first time Open athlete, Hoskins’s main goal is to be an example for his fellow Vigor CrossFitters – to show them that it is not about the score or the ranking, but simply that you are trusting within yourself to try. Preparation for the Open is much like recovery. One day at a time.
“I feel like a kid inside, just learning how to ask for help and love without self-righteousness,” he says. “So being able to be a part of this community during the Open is a compete blessing. It is exactly where I need to be within my new journey.”
There is no “happily ever after” to this story because this story continues one day at a time. Each day he wakes up to fight the good fight Jason Hoskins makes the choice to fight a little harder. And like most great athletes he gives the world an example of what vigor actually stands for, “The capacity for natural growth and survival.”
