Athlete Profile

Athlete: John Janke

John Janke's Profile Picture
Region:
Gender:
Male
Age:
35
Height:
6'4"
Weight:
240 lb

Benchmarks

Workouts
Fran0:00
Helen11:30
Grace0:00
Filthy 5038:00
Fight Gone Bad--
Sprint 400m0:00
Run 5k0:00
Maxes
Clean & Jerk--
Snatch--
Deadlift--
Back Squat--
Max Pull-ups--

Bio

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

ATHLETE INFORMATION

How I Eat

I want a hamburger. No, cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake. I want potato chips [gets cut off by Judge Smails] You'll get nothing, and like it!

How I Train

Skinny skiing, going to bullfights on acid.

My Athletic Background

Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!

My Experience With CrossFit

I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen; all you have to do is get in touch with it. Stop thinking...let things happen...and be...the ball.

My Work/Rest Schedule

Fooling around on the course, bad language, smoking grass, poor caddying.

How long have you been doing CrossFit?

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