The details of my life are quite inconsequential. My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

Open

Year Rank Worldwide Rank by Region Rank By Country Rank By Affiliate
2018 45629th Men 7367th Men (35-39) 3223rd Men North East 616th Men (35-39) North East 24613th Men United States 4424th Men (35-39) United States – –
2017 38659th Men 5745th Men (35-39) 2830th Men North East 433rd Men (35-39) North East 21810th Men United States 3533rd Men (35-39) United States – –
2016 40624th Men 3270th Men North East – – – –
2015 Men Men North East – – – –
2014 23297th Men 2154th Men North East – – – –
2013 15333rd Men 1417th Men North East – – – –

Benchmark Stats

  • Back Squat --
    Chad1000x --
    Clean and Jerk --
    Deadlift --
  • Fight Gone Bad --
    Filthy 50 --
    Fran --
    Grace --
  • Helen --
    L1 Benchmark --
    Max Pull-ups --
    Run 5k --
  • Snatch --
    Sprint 400m --